Where Are You?
by alkyrie
Summary: Set two years after Season 5x07. This is me torturing Bo because of her decision to hurt our baby Tammy. Valkubus endgame eventually. First fanfic! Give it a shot :) ENJOY! Rated M for language teehee
1. Chapter One

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Time had a funny way of presenting itself when life is in the brink of shattering, except it doesn't really shatter. What it does is that it chips bit by bit. Little by little. You don't even notice those little shards falling one by one. It makes a tiny hole, and that tiny hole widens as time passes by. Now suddenly you are left with a massive ditch.

It seems like nothing is wrong. But when you try to move on, life makes things even harder and you're left thinking "_Why me?"_

When you pick up those little shards, it cuts you and you hurt. You try again and it nicks you, again. And because you're constantly picking up every little piece, you end up hurting yourself more than you initially started.

_Happy.. I haven't felt that feeling in a while now._

But now, Bo had given up. She didn't call, she didn't look. She didn't want to hear anything. She lost two important people in her life, Kenzi.. and now _her_.

She kept her resolve firm for too long, and at this moment she thoroughly prayed for the gods above to combust her into flames already, instead of constantly feeling this incessant gnawing at the pit of her stomach for the past two years. It's making her feel ill. It's making her feel miserable. It's probably the only thing that's making herself sure that she's not completely dead.

She had seen the snow fall, melt, turn into a puddle then back into an icy and stiff mess again. She had seen the bitter, strong winds of January plummet the leaves, the branches of the trees left barren and broken, just like her heart.

The second harsh winter passed by and, as if nature's way of saying payback, the spring season melts the snow quick. Getting rid of the remnants of whatever was caused by the winter. Blooming the flowers and budding the trees. It welcomed the long days, mild sunshine ..new beginnings.

She would close her blinds, lock her door and isolate herself during these times, curling up on her bed alone in the darkness. It was like she was on hibernation, and the only way for her to survive is in the winter. The season deepens her depression. You could say she was a masochist to an extent. It was her only way of punishing herself for what she did, or rather, _what she did not do_.

It was her only way of saying I'm sacrificing shit because what I did was wrong. Every time she did anything remotely close to fun, she would immediately feel gloomy afterwards and she'd sink into her bouts of depression. _The queen of the party was now the pooper._

Winter nights: this was the only way in which she could sleep albeit without peace. It helps her forget her worries even just for a while. _Would you believe a succubus hasn't slept well in the past year and a half?_

What she found really interesting though, is that now she's alone and vulnerable, nobody ever came to attack her. No Morrigan, No fighting over sides: Light or Dark. Nobody came for her. _What type of sick joke is the world playing on me?_

Now, if an insider were placed in the fissures of her brain, she'd certainly be labelled mentally deranged. She thought this funny. _Well, because by the time that they do, they'd probably fall into the abyss I so graciously dug up all this time._

Of course, she never expressed this openly. The hurt that had been clawing her on the inside had slowly eaten it's way out of her, piece by piece until nothing was left. She can't feel anymore, unless provoked with the memory of a certain woman. A woman with long, soft blonde hair and owned the lightest color of eyes, with a hint of green. On the contrary, many would associate this color with frigidness, coldness. Indifference even. But whenever they looked at each other.. it always warmed her in the best way possible. It was hard to explain. It's different when you're biased, still in love and hurting.

Day by day, she managed to keep the pent up shit all to herself.

She tries to be inconspicuous. Nervous laughter followed by a snarky remark. Occasionally throwing humorless jokes and replies in empty comebacks. Lame excuses as to why she can't get out of her apartment when invited out by Dyson or Lauren or Trick at the Dal.

_I'm not like this. Being away from Tamsin even made me develop her rude and distant disposition. Or maybe this is me. A me I haven't discovered. We can call this coming-of-age. I am exhausted._

She was always hungry, succubus-hungry. Often she'd use Lauren, or Dyson. The guilt digs deeper and deeper but there's nothing she can do. She'd rather have sex with the ones she's already familiar with so that it's quicker to finish. Nothing more, just using them for their chi. She can't wander around and use other humans. She can't risk going outside in the Fae world without any care of what will happen to her. If Tamsin was existing somewhere, she'd sure want her alive still...right?

The thought of sucking Lauren dry was almost okay for Bo. She doesn't care anymore. She tries to be tactful but she can't. What made her build this inapprehensible hatred for the doctor, she doesn't know. What she knows for sure, is that the doctor held a very costly role as to why things ended the way they are now. That's how easy she detaches herself from people. When Tamsin left Bo, it changed her.

_I can always be overpowered by sex Tamsin. I wish I was strong enough to resist so you didn't have to… see. _

_I wish I was strong enough to let you know that my feelings were real but I was dazed temporarily by a mere hook-up. _

_Fuck, why did I do this to you baby?_

_I'd change for you Tamsin. Day by day, I think I do. It hurts so fucking bad. I wish you could see my progress, however bereft it may look on the outside. _

Everyone thought of it differently, but understood and brushed it off like she acted like this all the time. Long gone was the soft spoken, reasoning, well-tempered succubus.

Every word spoken was a burden.

Every laugh burns her at the back of her throat and she wonders: _How on earth can I put up an act like this? The mere act of laughing makes me feel so guilty, I don't deserve to be happy. Not even fake-happy. _

Every sentence formed is a task almost strenuous, but she talked for the sake of blending in and avoiding the obvious and insensible questions like

_"Are you okay?" _

_"Are you hurt?" _

_"Do you need my company tonight?" _

She had brought home someone from the Dal tonight. A very unusual move. A beautiful brunette like herself, she lured her into her premises for the sake of the feed. Her beast was unleashed, and for the time-being, she wasn't herself. This elicited an arousal to the extremes to her one time lover. Bo hadn't even bothered to ask her name.

After the deed was done and the sound of the moans and bliss slowly died down, the girl asked if she could call her later. All Bo could muster is a hint of a smile and a soft shake of her head from side to side. The girl appears to be taken aback but recovers quickly, swiftly nods her head in understanding. _"Thank you for your time."_ She dresses up quickly, hugs Bo and leaves.

Bo closes the door, turns around and her mouth slowly shapes into that of a frown. Etched on her face until the next morning in which she had to pretend yet again.

She lies back down on the bed, half-naked, body front-up with both her hands covering her face.

_How could I do this?_ She thought as she tried not to cry. She asked herself again and she stifles a whimper, her chest hurting as she did so. She closed her eyes tightly as she began to fall apart._ Crying every single night of the week? _She chokes on her own sob and upon hearing herself, she finally caved in and let her tears spill freely.

She didn't mind. She was trapped in her own head. She would cry for Tamsin every single day for the rest of her life if that enough served as payment for her debts. What can mere tears do?

A bit relieved from her crying and with her chest heaving in and out slowly, she wonders when she will be free from this emotional turmoil she caused upon herself._ I don't think anyone else can make me feel better. No one else but her._

As the beautiful face of Tamsin flashed between her tear-filled eyes, she let out a broken wail. _Where are you? _She pleaded to her heart, clutching it like she was clutching the handrails of a train abruptly stopping. She then proceeded to shout within her soul, even louder. _Where are you?! I'm hurting so much! Please Tamsin.. please.._

Exhausted from her internal struggle, she closes her eyes and prays for a dreamless night.

_I'd like to think I'm perfect for you now._

_Please come back to me._

**_A/N:_**

I'm probably not going to continue this as I was very nervous writing it oh my gahhh

Also because of the fact that I am a schooling gal, and it's 1:55am and I've been writing this for about 3 hours now.

I just can't get over 5x07! So this is me channeling my angriness into words heh heh please comment, review since it's my first one! THANK YOU FOR READING!

**EDIT:** I am continuing this story. Details on the next chapter :D


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N:**

pgsca: Thank you! and that I will deliver.

Talitha2: Yes! It's my first fanfic and I'm glad you think my writing is awesome sauce:D We all knew it wouldn't happen but I didn't expect Bo to be THAT harsh on dismissing our baby Tammy. Thank you for your review!

valkyrielove: Yes! And I am continuing this because of your reviews. Thank you for your kind words.

valkyriebabe: Thank you very much for your input!

Rosie: I will in the future chapters. Thank you for your review!:)

and to all the GUESTS! Thank you so much for your words:D It means a lot.

Thank you for all the reviews so far. You guys are incredible.

I have decided to move A/N and my replies to the guests/readers up here. As you all know I will continue to write this story. I intend to reach seven chapters and maybe at the end I'll add an epilogue aswell hehe

I have no beta, all grammar mistakes are mine.

Valkubus shippers prepare to be satisfied. Others can also enjoy (or not) :D Nevertheless, constructive criticisms are always welcome.

**P.S:** Bo has a new apartment, as in a cool one.

**P.P.S:** Reviews keep me going! So please comment and say whatever you want to say:)

**P.P.P.S: **I might update everyday or every other day, depending on how much homework I have and depending on how much I care XD

I sadly do not own Lost Girl.

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_You're my favorite type of night._

_Sadly, not in a good way but all in the same context. _

_At least now, every time I sleep, my thoughts are occupied by you. _

_Not that it never was._

On Saturday morning, Bo eventually had the courage to get up and do something productive in her life. She felt that if she were to mope over someone, she might as well do it in a less destructive, non-depressive type of way. This, of course, will only be shown on the outside. She hurt nonetheless the same on the inside.

She had to show the others that she was fine. She had to. She was always in control of her emotions and after days of contemplating whether she should get her shit back together, she had finally realized that Tamsin will never come back for her.

It hurts to accept that fact.

She hasn't been in the Dal for two weeks, and her grandfather had been sending Dyson to check up on her to see if she was still alive.

Good news, she was.

Bad news, it's an empty kind of alive.

She got out of bed and checked herself in the mirror. She had no make-up, no black smudges around her eyes, which always indicated that she was crying. _Well I was. Even angrier and frustrated by the day._ She took hold of her long jet black hair and firmly tugged through the knots that formed, presumably from her tossing and turning the night prior._ I dreamt of her again, and this time, her act of fleeing was even harsher than the last. _

Bo would wake up sweaty, her heart galloping like it was about to burst out of her ribcage and she would always be breathless. She'd calm down eventually because she is again, overwhelmed and reminded of the fact that Tamsin honestly did leave her.

_No amount of days can make me regret that fact. No amount of nights can make the pain any less bearable. _

_How easy would it be for you to take away my pain, Tam. All you have to do is be here. With me._

She had dreamed of it countless times it can be officially classified as a nightmare. The same scenario plays:

It was at the crack shack two years ago. A blackout had ensued due to an unforeseen storm-like weather. It was dark as night, with only candles casting a soft glow amidst the mess of her home. The ambiance was surprisingly relaxing despite the harsh rumbles of the thunder outside.

Her hope lessens and lessens every time she dreamed of this particular occasion. But then again, there was no point in being hopeful. Even in her dream, she hadn't stopped Tamsin from leaving. She would try to will her dream-self to reach out to Tamsin for the third time after being rejected and when she thinks she had finally took control, Tamsin would back away slowly and deliberately. Her head would shake and the look of utter disbelief would formalize on her face. Her eyebrows close-knit and her nose open and close in exasperation. Her eyes would wander wildly at Bo's face, like she was searching for an explanation as to how a person could possibly crush her young and innocent heart as brutally as this.

But Tamsin already did receive her answer: _"I love you, I do, but not like that."_

What jabs Bo's heart the most was the pain that was cemented onto her beautiful face after hearing what she had said. Bo would reach out, and she wouldn't be able to catch Tamsin in time. By the end of it all, she'd find herself clutching space, hugging air.

_I wish you were smiling, even when you left to say goodbye to me forever._

No words can explain how much Bo wanted to rip her tongue out for saying that complete and utter lie. Yet she didn't realize how much of an impact she had caused to the blonde until weeks later, when Tamsin never came back to their house or at the Dal. Never showed up for her birthday, or anyone else's. She solidly looked for her for a whole year and she was nowhere to be found. It was as if Tamsin was completely wiped out off the face of the earth.

She even went to different realms, except for Valhalla. Because of her previous unwelcoming visit and the mayhem she had caused, she had been completely shunned from ever returning to that place.

_That's the only place left, I know you're hiding in there Tamsin._

Bo stopped daydreaming and sat back down to her bed. The list of things that could be done for today are endless and yet she made no resolute movement.

_I have to let go. I have to live without you. _

She took a quick shower, blow dried her hair and braided the top half up, and leaving the rest to flow down. She figured she can try and look presentable and opted for a figure-hugging black tank top and black skinny jeans. She shrugged in her dark red leather jacket and held onto the handle of her wardrobe to zip up her three-inch heeled boots. She brushed copious amounts of mascara onto her eyelashes, applies her signature black eyeshadow and bites her lips to make them appear redder.

She stares into the full length of the mirror and tries to compliment herself. She doesn't look bad at all. In fact, if people were to see her now, no doubt they would be completely enamored by her. Even without using her powers.

But the efforts are rendered useless when she knows she's totally not in the mood to impress anyone. Nonetheless, she forced a gleeful smile, which in turn creeped her out. She closes her mouth and she sighs slowly in defeat. _Why am I doing this again? _

A door can be heard closing downstairs, and she didn't feel threatened at all. _Probably just Dyson doing his morning "rounds"._

She slowly descends the staircase and walks into the living room and is surprised by the sight of Lauren.

_I haven't seen her in awhile._ A small wave of anger washes through her being and all of a sudden, her face becomes a little too hot. She quickly willed herself to recover until it got the best of her.

_Hello, Bo_ greets Lauren with a careful smile. She eyes her up and down and her face forms an expression of what looks like confusion, but it was gone before Bo noticed. Her smile turns into a small grin. _You look..amazing._ She compliments shyly _Where are you off to?_

_Oh..Hi _Bo says. _Dark Fae Club_ she continues, not wanting to drag on another useless small talk.

_Oh_ says Lauren, oblivious to the laborious tone Bo seems to be using. _I was wondering if you wanted to hang out? I mean we haven't seen each other for so long, I figured you wanted some company? _She suggests, genuinely wanting to know how the other woman was doing.

_I was really looking forward to this. I haven't been outside my house in a while. _This time, Bo made sure that her tone insinuated a hint of indignation.

_Sorry,_ Lauren says, taken aback. She is confused by Bo's sudden change of demeanor _What exactly is it that I've done that has gotten you so riled up lately? _She voiced out, turning into defense mode.

_You know what Lauren?! Never mind, go home. _Bo wanted to explain, but she took advantage of Lauren's uptight and curious attitude to hopefully drive her out of her fucked up life once and for all.

_You know what, what Bo? Go on, continue! I have been exhausted and I wanted to come to you! I haven't seen you in like.. two weeks! _She pauses, seeming to contemplate what she has to say next, and then a look of realization washes over her face_ Do you have someone else?! _Lauren proclaims, feigning not to look hurt.

Bo abruptly turns around and tries not to burst out laughing. _Is she fucking kidding?! _She goes to the kitchen counter and sits on one of the chairs. She looks to where Lauren was standing and sees right through, focusing on the bookcase behind her instead. The amount of indifference she felt at this moment is completely beyond her.

_Answer me, Bo!_ Lauren states, stiffly. _What's making you act like this?! Is it Dyson?! _Her disbelief shows even more clearly now.

_You really want to know the truth?_ Bo says in eerie calm, she slightly puts her head down and looks as though she's picking invisible lint on the table by the movement of her hands from Lauren's field of view. She inhales and exhales deeply before saying: _It's Tamsin_. She tries to keep a straight face. She can't break down in front of Lauren.

Lauren scoffs. Bo raises her head up swiftly.

_Really?! Tamsin? Wasn't she gone like one million years ago? _Lauren says smirking, while walking to Bo's direction. Lauren had an air of haughty all over her. _Surely you can't be serious? _She rolls her eyes.

Secretly, Lauren was glad Tamsin is gone. _One less competitor makes this game so much easier_. She doesn't understand how Bo had become so distant, but assuming with all the hot sex they have been having for the past month, it clearly showed that Bo was in efforts to keep her. _Maybe we could go back to normal_. They could be together again. She could continue developing a serum to lessen Bo's libido. _And that I have been doing for these past few weeks_ She gloats in a singsong voice within herself.

An evidently offended Bo stands up and with purposeful angry strides, she meets Lauren halfway.

_You are certainly something else. _She grabs a hold of Lauren's wrist, and yanks her close to her face. Bo's head pounds as sees red due to her blinding fury.

_Ow!_ Lauren shouted as she pried herself from Bo's death grip. _What the fuck is wrong with you! _She exclaimed.

_You know what, this was all your fault._ She uttered lowly, but her voice was seething with anger. _If only you hadn't lured me into your _**_bullshit_**_, things would have been so much different right now! _Bo says through gritted teeth.

_I'm done with you Lauren! Get away from here or so help me, you will have yourself torn into pieces. _Bo says, ensuring that every word burns the other woman like a hot poker prodding through skin.

She lowered her eyes and saw Lauren's body visibly wince. She didn't wait for a reaction as she took a step back and walked towards the living room to take her car keys. With her back to Lauren, she slightly turns her head to the side to say _You know where the spare keys are, I better not find you here when I get back_ before hastily departing out the door.


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N: **God, I can't take it anymore! I had to update! I was possessed by the writing spirit and one sentence reviews excite me way too much so here it is. I'm probably going to finish this story by the end of the week to be honest ha ha!

Rosie: People like you are the reason why I write. Thank you so much for your kind words! I never had the confidence to write fanfiction never mind publishing them. I probably wouldn't have written anything if Valkubus didn't end up the way they are now. I needed an outlet hehe I hope you enjoy this chapter! :D

Guest: Mwahaha! *inflicts more pain on Bo* Thank you!

I hope you guys enjoy this one & please, don't forget to review! It's what keeps me going:)

I DON'T OWN LOST GIRL BECAUSE GOD HATES ME.

**P.S:** To all the readers, thank you! I look at my traffic stats and it makes me so happy knowing that people read my story :)

**EDIT:** I find myself constantly re-reading and improving my grammar and adding a few more sentences to my story. Sorry!

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As she was driving halfway en route to the Dark Fae club, she contemplated whether she should turn back and maybe pay her grandfather a visit instead. Just out of courtesy. She was sure that if Trick sends Dyson to check up on her again, it wouldn't be long until she pushes him away too.

It didn't take much time for her to decide as she turned her car around at the next intersection and went against the flow of traffic (which earned her a few profanities from passersby) She pushes hard on the accelerator, the sounds of simultaneous car beeping seeming distant as she blatantly ignored all the commotion she had caused. She drove back into the main road, then slowly proceeds into the small familiar streets she had seen countless times before.

She purposely avoided The Dal because of the things that happened. When the ancients came to town and basically incinerated half of the city's population, she couldn't bear seeing the hurt and pain it brought amongst the people. A lot of faes would head straight into the Dal to mourn, which meant either they would drink until they pass out, drink and struggle not to pass out or destroy every single part of the vicinity with their intoxicated and uncontrollable self.

The ever-so-patient Blood King had to pay a lot of bills for that year.

A mope-y Bo was a dangerous Bo. Add that pitiful event as a contributing factor to her debilitating soul and well, let's just say this time things will not end well for **_everybody_**.

Ever since Tamsin left, Trick has that weird way of letting Bo know that he notices everything and anything off. Although, his subliminal hints of condolence hadn't held much of an impact to her. Bo was too busy remembering that the Dal used to be her hunting ground. She'd rather not be reminded of how frenzied she was, constantly coming and going into the place the year before. Picking up men, women or both: all for the sake of the feed. All to drown those pesky feelings she had developed for someone who might be truly and honestly gone.

_I've had so many different chi stain me, I feel so indecent._

But the main reason she evades the pub is because she had a lot of memories with Tamsin there. She would always beat herself up mentally when she came in for a drink and finding the seat next to her empty.

_She should be _**_here_**_ next to _**_me_**_._

And the gnawing feeling comes back to haunt her, increasing ten-fold by the minute until it makes her want to vomit. So she decided she should periodically visit, important events and such, but nothing more.

She arrived ten minutes later but lingers inside her car just a bit longer. She fidgets with her keys, tugging them slightly then occasionally jabs them on the back part of her hand leaving zigzag-like indents on her soft skin. She brings her hand up close to her face and examines the redness that developed on the particular area. _Oh the shit I do to distract myself._

Feeling as though she had stayed for too long and that it was getting a little bit hot and humid inside the small space of her truck, she checks herself out in the rearview mirror and retouches her makeup. Then she thinks about how silly it was for her to have an irrational fear of pubs.

She chuckled instantly at the thought and then abruptly stops, her eyes scanning fiercely at the cars in front of her to see if somebody had caught sight of that very awkward moment.

She releases a huff of breath and casually gets out of the car.

_Here I go_.

She oozed fake-confidence, with her head held high and all as she walked toward the building. It was as if nothing was hurting her. She figured this type of fake-composure was the only thing that was keeping her sane.

As soon as she opened the door to the Dal, she stopped right into her tracks. For what she saw caused a series of memories to surge right in. Good memories. The familiar form of a lady she hadn't seen in over two years, now stood 20 meters away from her.

A first in a very long time, she was genuinely sure that her heart was going to explode. But not out of anger or sadness, but with complete and utter joy.

The girl turns her head at the direction of the door, assuming it was just another boring patron but to Kenzi's surprise.. it was entirely far from.

_BOBO?_ Kenzi squints her eyes just to make sure_._

_BOBO! _Kenzi squeals as she ran quickly towards one of the most valuable persons in her life. Her arms spread wide open like she was about to give Bo a bone-crushing hug.

_Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH! _She exclaims, each word spoken a decibel higher than the last.

_Ohhhh myy gooossh! _She reaches Bo in record time and nearly topples her over the table behind.

_Shit! You weren't supposed to know I was here yet! I was going to surprise you! _Kenzi declares excitedly with her mouth tightly pinned against her best friend's shoulder. It sounded more like a murmur.

_Yeah, and apparently going to the Dal was way more important than visiting me first. _Bo replied in blithe sarcasm, reciprocating an equally as tight hug to the smaller brunette.

_Oh yeah! Well, I had to get my drink on. _Kenzi says cheekily and then promptly retorts back _Of course not you dummy! _while tapping Bo's head lightly from behind.

_It's because I needed to pick up the bestest, oldest, most prized wine Trick happily reserved for me like a loooonggg time ago. So thanks to _**_MOI_**_, now we can drink the finest, awesomest wine in the whole world in this "not-a-surprise-anymore" reunion! _Kenzi pauses in the briefest of moments before she continues.

_And also, I just got here like 20 minutes ago! Trick has been in that cellar for like 15. You can't be blaming me Bobo-licious! I mean I had to. I can't show up in your house like I just didn't come from Spain! Have you even seen my TAN…? _She explained, in a very "dduuuuhh" like sounding manner.

She gently pries herself away from the half-embrace to cup Bo's face into her hands.

_Oh my sweet Succubus, you haven't aged at all. Not fair for a human like me_. Kenzi pouted, looking sad.

A mock-hurt expression can be seen on Bo's face, all the while thanking the gods for giving her this eccentric, loving and bubbly little petite russian. She is very honored to call Kenzi as her best friend.

Bo opens her mouth like she was about to respond after her best friend's rapid monologue but then, of course, Kenzi beat her to it.

_You know what- _She brings both of her hands up like she was about to get arrested and thrusts them slightly forward -_save it._

She turns around and drags Bo along with her to the direction of the bar.

_Let's go to this new apartment of yours! I mean you've only been sending me pictures. What are your neighbors like? Are your walls really truly white or are they pasty yellow? We will never know.. unless I go there.. now… _Her voice trails off as she lets go of Bo's hand to grab three heavy-looking bottles at the end of the counter from a very sweaty and exhausted-looking Trick.

Kenzi's expression changes slightly like that of a child caught stealing candy.

_I'm sorry Trick, I didn't know it was that hard to find them bottles…_She murmurs apologetically, now looking like a sad puppy abandoned in the middle of the streets. In the pouring rain.

As soon as she saw Trick smile and shrug his shoulders as if to say _I had to_, she was instantly back to her usual happy and perky self.

_Anyway, uhh thanks for these..! BEST BLOOD KING EVER!_ The last bit whispered with intense enthusiasm. She winks at him and tries to shape her hand into that of a gun.

When she figured she couldn't do so because of the bottles occupying her arms and hands, she gives up and says to him instead _TA-TA! See you on the flipside! Just kidding..! I don't want to die again he he _Kenzi said more to herself than she did to the elder.

Then she looks to where Bo was standing and Trick follows her line of view.

Bo meets Tricks gaze and manages a sheepish smile and a small wave of the hand, mouthing a soft _Hey._

Trick nods his head in acknowledgement. _It's good to see Bo up and running. If I had to send Dyson one more time, she probably would have fought him to death. _He laughs to himself momentarily, imagining the distraught wolf coming in to the Dal with torn clothes and a bloody face full of scratches.

But then his inner voice suddenly became serious.

_I wonder if she knows…_ Trick asks himself, but dismisses the thought as a customer on his periphery called for his attention. He quickly smiles to both of the ladies and turns around to entertain the patron. He is most especially grateful for Kenzi's keen compliance after he called her to come visit as soon as possible.

A very untimely but anticipated event is about to happen and Trick is almost certain Bo is going to need every person she's got.


	4. Chapter Four

**A/N:** Hi everybody! Hope all is well. Here is my new update. It took time because I was confused if I should follow my original plot. I'm constantly changing it because it's being sabotaged with new ideas. These new ideas, I fear, will cause me to write more than the intended seven chapters. #suchstruggle

Anyway, please enjoy! All comments, constructive criticisms are welcome. I often find myself veering off and I hope I aint confusing any of y'all.

Guest: Read to find out woooohoo thank you for your review!:)

regretisfosuckas: You'll like this chapter! Thank you so much :D

I DON'T OWN LOST GIRL BECAUSE I'M EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND POOR AS HELL.

**Another A/N at the end btw. Just to clear things up.**

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Leading up to the days of the Yule, Kenzi had been ardent in trying to keep Bo pre-occupied. She is in hopes to successfully take Bo's mind off the joyous event by constantly nagging the succubus to partake on their back-in-the-old-days activities. Such activities include: drinking, story-telling and then drinking, eating ice cream and scanning Netflix for new, but predictable, scary movies they had missed to watch together.

Shortly after their arrival from the Dal two days ago, she had wandered aimlessly and introduced herself into Bo's humble apartment. She thought that it was of decent size, and the furniture was kept to a minimum.

There was such a stark difference between the simplicity of this house and the hoards of unnecessary junk (courtesy of Kenzi) at their used-to-be home, the crackshack. Although, the lack of color concerned Kenzi, as it was too serious and solemn looking. If she hadn't known Bo any better, she would've thought of this place as a work office or something.

She even managed to welcome herself Kenzi-style by breaking the first piece of furniture she took hold of.

_And I was right,_ Kenzi said to herself with satisfaction. _The walls are truly white._ She concluded after thorough inspection.

All in all it had a homey feel to it, and she is reminded of how much she truly missed the succubus. Being away from her made her realize how alone she felt during the first few months moving into Spain.

Her time to mourn for Hale had been hard, but she knew she had to be alone. Plus, it turned out that apart from the wealth he had given her (which, on her thieving days, would have made her happy enough.) He had a lot of other surprises for her in that vacation home and for those she was truly thankful for.

x

_No, no, no, no, no! Don't go in there! _ shouts Kenzi at the television screen all the while clutching to Bo's thigh and the arm of the huge sofa.

_I swear to God if you go __in there girl__… Oh too late, you're already being chased._ Kenzi deadpanned, slouching as she did so.

_You know Bo, thank the gods we're not __this- _she extends her whole arm to point at the screen _-dumb__ in approaching those scary __fae__ baddies in our missions, right?_ Kenzi asked without looking at the succubus.

_I mean, I always say "Oh this is probably going to end up like those scenes where we both get slashed to death." but at least I'm aware you know?_ She continues.

_Right?! _Kenzi repeated when she didn't receive an answer.

_Yeah.. what? __mmm__ uh-huh._ The other woman mumbled sleepily.

Bo yawns, stretches her arms and grabs a hold of Kenzi's slim waist, drawing the petite russian close to her.

_Kenz__.. I'm so glad you're here._ She murmured softly in the crook of Kenzi's neck.

_Oh my gods, this is worst than having a cat._ Kenzi says to herself.

_Bo! Stop breathing into my neck..! You're ticking me! _She giggled, feeling the hairs of her arms stand up. She tries to pry away from Bo's death grip, but gave up when she found out she was unable to do so.

_Alright.. sleep it is for me too then. _

While Kenzi was trying to concentrate on sleeping, she thought about the days to come.

_If I don't do this right, it's going to be one hell of a shit storm. _

She didn't fail to notice Bo's evident close relationship with sleep, finding her dozing off during the day. She also didn't miss the way Bo would ask for her to recall what she had just said, because she didn't listen to her the first time.

What she hates the most is when the succubus would stare into space and she basically has to raise her voice a pitch higher to get her attention again. It made her feel like Bo was beyond depressive state.

The new Bo creeped Kenzi out.

She would find herself being immersed into telling Bo a story about her and her Spanish escapades. Her and the scorching sun, the very weird telenovela's they would show on T.V. or when she was swimming with the fishes and all the hot men (and ever so aware of Bo's interests), the women. She would be innate on expressing how limited her knowledge was when it came to certain species of fish or all of the fishes rather.

She even told her at that time when she was exploring a part of the Mediterranean when suddenly she saw an orange fish on her periphery and exclaimed "I FOUND NEMO!" at the depths of the sea. She had to swim upwards at high-speed to seize air because she caught too much water on her mouth.

_I found Nemo for God's sake, _she would say animatedly.

And then she would try to explain to her companions on the boat that she really did but they wouldn't get her at all because well, she was speaking _english_.

It was all interesting and great until she'd find Bo intensely focusing at an object again, like her mind was far away elsewhere.

_I can't blame her. _

_No, I sorta do. _

_Man, she __must be __really really __bored__.. or tired. I wonder how many weeks it has been since she last fed._

That was the last thing that occupied Kenzi's mind as she cuddled herself close to Bo's front before drifting off into a peaceful slumber.

_X _**MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN **_X_

_Yeah. No , I'm here. Yes, I'm safe. Yes, yes and yes. Okay, you too. Bye. _A woman with short hair concluded on the phone.

Said woman strolls into the Dal, and some people look over to her direction.

She smirks as she walked around, accessing the place that used to be her second home. _Second from the truck. _

_This place hadn't changed much at all. Oh, except for that thing._ She stares at the corner of the room, where the pool table was used to be. Now there were two big kegs of beer that replaced it. _Fun._

Then she walks over to the counter and calls the attention of the barkeeper, who visibly froze when he recognized the voice who was calling for him.

_Tamsin__._

Trick turns around and he is surprised by what he saw. What used to be long blonde hair on the valkyrie was cut at shoulders length, and her skin had a nice glow. The worrisome look he had seen on the blonde years ago gone, and is now exchanged with.. genuine happiness.

_Ah.. Reborn and unusually cheery. _

_Hey Trick, long time no __see__. _The blonde smiled. As she greets the elder, she was aware that she was being observed.

_Yeah well, I may look happy but I'm still my usual sarcastic and snarky self._

A minute had passed and after feeling the slightest amount of irritation, she snaps her fingers in front of Trick's face to get him out of his reverie.

Trick shakes his head and focuses on Tamsin again.

_Oh sorry, it's just that you look very different. Your aura and things, you know? And you look lovely. _He complimented her pleasantly.

_Here, first two is on me. Are you alone?_ Trick asks while he subtlety searched for someone behind Tamsin.

_Good job so far __Kenzi__, better keep it up. _Trick speaks to himself internally, his attention to his surroundings now on high alert.

_Awesome! Trying to get me drunk already? _She laughs briefly._ But yeah, it's just me. Just passing by. It's been way too long. _She pauses. _Yule is coming up too, so that's fun right? _She makes a questioning face, and then grins.

_It's nice to know you haven't forgotten us. You're welcome to stay as long as you like. Would you like me to call Dyson for you? _He offers as he pours the vodka into the shot glasses.

_Already did. It's good __to be__ back Trick. _She looks at him in the eyes.

She takes two of the glasses and twists them side-to-side simultaneously between her thumb and forefingers. With rapid movement, she took the shots and slams the small glasses back into the counter.

_Bottoms up. _

**A/N: **

-Bo lives 30 minutes away from the Dal, she gets there at 15 if she drives fast enough.

-Tamsin's hair is like that of Rachel Skarsten's hair at the moment, shoulder length.

-Not going to expand on the "other surprises" Hale had given Kenzi since I don't really know what else he can give her apart from the Twig of Zamora lol they're probably just material things I'd say, that reminded Kenzi of their relationship or something.


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N:** I'm _unsurprisingly_ getting mental blocks but here's my update! I shouldn't be writing right now because I have exams coming up. Therefore I might not be as religious on updating, as you can see.

Guest: Yes, I deliberately made it so because Rachel is soo cute with her short hair. Thank you for your review!

Rosie: Thank you for your review! You make writing this worthwhile. To be honest, S5 is just a waste of time. I almost abandoned this story because of what happened at 5x08 last sunday. I'm glad to have shown you a new perspective to Valkubus. Sorry for the late update! I hope you enjoy this. Also, travelling huh?:D Must be nice having a change of scenery every once and a while.

I don't own Lost Girl because I'm an inexperienced writer who doesn't live in Canada.

**P.S:** I'm finally using punctuation a.k.a adding "-" to the dialogue as opposed to just italicizing them. XD Sorry, I get lazy ahah

**P.S.S:** Bo has discovered a new power. You know the way she usually has to make people horny before she can suck the shit out of them? ahah Well now she can separate sexual chi & this pure form of energy apart from each other. The color of the flow would be gold. Her eyes would glow gold instead of blue. She can extract it from the air, or by touching someone (like charming.)

Side effects to the receiving end: Nothing! Unless she takes excessive amounts, it'll cause fatigue and deep sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Kenzi.." Bo lightly shook the smaller woman, taking the arm that was firmly tucked over her waist and tries to extract it away from her gently.

In all honesty, she could easily get out of the embrace to sit up, but she decides not to as the russian looked very peaceful in her sleeping position.

She missed this type of close contact, without worrying for anything to get sexual.

_Speaking of sexual._

Bo hasn't fed for over three weeks now. With Kenzi present, she relies and thrives on her constant moments of enthusiasm to replenish her, even if it's just a little bit.

It's not like she didn't need the chi, she did.

But after feeding throughout the year, she found out that she's ill-fatedly attached to a bad conscience. Therefore, in the last three months or so, she's been only been fed twice.

One from Lauren and one from that woman she can hardly recall the face of.

She could be on tie between life and death and all she has to do is go to a pub or a stadium with enough excitement and she would be good as new. Although, she admits to being constantly fatigued due to her rarely going out.

_Fuck being a succubus._

She slowly reached for her phone on the nightstand with her other hand to check the time and it read _8:48am_.

She decides to wake Kenzi up at nine, thinking about her plans for the day while taking a lock of Kenzi's hair and twirling it around her fingers.

_Time to be pro-active. No time moping around Bo._

_She's gone, remember that._ She reminded firmly to herself.

X **AT NINE A.M** X

"Kenzi.." She tried again, this time softly pinching Kenzi's nose together.

She left it there for about twelve seconds until..

"Mmmrgghh..!" Kenzi immediately sat up.

"What the fae..?" She quickly scans her surroundings and lands her suddenly-alive eyes on Bo. "Bo?!"

"Sorry I had to.." Bo chuckled.

"You were asleep as a baby, and I have been trying to wake you up. If I didn't do anything we would've wasted another day doing nothing." She explained.

"But we always waste our days away." Kenzi huffed, sounding like an irritated child.

And like a ton of bricks, it hit her.

_Wait.. what? Shit!_ Kenzi says to herself, feeling more alert now that she'd recall being assigned to a specific duty on this day in particular.

She was afraid Bo might remember what day it was today.

"H-hold on.." Kenzi quickly continues. "Did you just try to kill me in my SLEEP?! Wow. I was at a disadvantage.. and..y-you and I.. just.. okay." She stands up, crossing her arms and looking intensely at the other brunette.

"Sooner or later you will regret this." She makes a V with her forefinger and middle finger, brings it to her face, then turns it around and jabs it at Bo's direction as if to say "I got my eyes on you."

Bo smiles a little smile, and she furrows her brow like she was trying hard to think of something important.

"Hmmmm.. I have to go somewhere today." She finally said.

**Now** Kenzi was really on edge. She felt as though her stomach were doing somersaults and backflips, like she was about to vomit from the nervousness and Bo wasn't even aware of it.

"What..? No, Bobo.. let's stay here!" She suggested, trying to hide her unease.

"I think uh.. season four of Orange Is The New Black finally aired on Netflix after like-" She did a quick calculation in her head. "-seven months. Isn't that weird? I checked. I promise." She stated frantically as she fumbled to punch a sequence of buttons on the remote control.

"Are you on premium?! Probably explains why you didn't have it until.. today!" She squeals in over-enthusiasm as she turns Bo's attention to the T.V screen. Much to Bo's lack of interest, Kenzi was telling the truth.

"Kenzi… are you okay?" Bo looks to her direction, slightly feeling the tension radiating off of her best friend.

_Think Kenz! Last resort!_

She quickly racks her brain on other ideas to divert Bo's attention.

_Gotcha!_

"I-I..I'm not okay." Kenzi willed herself to cry.

_God I can't believe I'm doing this._

_Think about puppies, cute puppies.. bad fae slaughtering cute puppies?_

She manages to bring about a drop of tear from each eye, but after thinking about the puppies seconds later, she was full-on crying.

Bo stands up to approach her and asks her what's wrong.

"It's .. it's Hale." _Fuck! God damn it! I'm not even supposed to be fake crying and now I'm using my fiancé as an excuse. Sorry babe!_ She apologized to Hale, wherever he was.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know." Bo said, feeling guilty.

"It's.. it's okay." She sniffled, "I guess I'm just overreacting.. but I.. I miss him so much and being with you all the time helps me forget." She continued, going over to the corner with her back to Bo and helped herself to a box of tissues.

_Just this day human, you can't fuck this up. Act cute._

"Oh Kenz, it's okay. I'll always be here for you."

"I just wanted to go to the grocery. I remembered we didn't have much food left so I figured I should wake you up early so we could get some shopping done."

Kenzi was in the middle of fake-blowing her nose "Oh. T-the grocery store..?" She murmurs into the tissue.

"Yeah.. wanna come with?" Bo extends her arm to Kenzi's direction. "I'll buy you tubs of ice cream to make you feel better." She makes an open and close action with her hand, raising her eyebrows up and down suggestively as she did so.

X **AT THE GROCERY STORE** X

"You know, I hear they have a new line of Cheetos. But it's supposed to taste disgusting." Kenzi said, scrunching her nose as she tried to remember what Cheeto flavor it was they released a few weeks ago.

"Yeah, I think it was wasabi flavor or something.." Bo said with equal distaste.

"I like mini-grocerying with you again, BoBo. It was so boring getting food for myself in Spain. All I had was ice-cream and wine and cereals and wine.." She listed off using her fingers. "I'm surprised I'm not fat yet." Kenzi continued, now trying to grab hold of the hardly-present flabs on her stomach.

"Kenzi, your tiny body is smart enough to proportion all the nasty junk you eat into all the right places." Bo said.

"So what? Are you a doctor now?" Kenzi teased, bring her face close to Bo's and rubbing her nose on the other woman's cheek.

Bo was about to respond when she felt a light tap on her shoulder.

She turned around slowly and was met by a (cute) guy with dimples in a leather jacket and blue jeans.

"Hi, my name is Jay." He smiled a kind smile, all the while offering his hand to shake Bo's.

"Bo. Do I know you?" Bo asked, returning the gesture.

"No, you don't. But I saw you at the Dal two weeks ago and thought you were beautiful." Jay stated bluntly.

The petite human went on her tippy-toes to whisper sternly into Bo's ear. "Wow, creepy stalker fae much?!"

"Hey, I heard that." Jay said with a chuckle.

"Hm." Bo eyed him up and down. "What do you need?" Bo asked with suspicion.

"I was wondering if I could buy you both a drink. The night is on me, it's the first day of Yule after all."

Bo's eyes were glazed and her mouth forms into a small "O" upon realization. She knew something was amiss. She couldn't believe she forgot that today was the first day of Yule. In remembering, it was like a piece of a puzzle fit perfect into a certain place in her heart. Flashes of images flood into her brain and her chest suddenly felt heavy. Very heavy.

After losing her trail of thought for a minute, Bo shook her head and politely refused.

The evident disappointment was present from the male. Nonetheless, Jay asks for Bo to call him incase she changes her mind and hands her his business card. Bo accepts with fake sincerity and the guy starts to strut elsewhere, his self-esteem radiating from a mile away.

As soon as the weird Fae was out of range, Bo haphazardy tossed the card into an aisle of vegetables and walked to the opposite direction, taking Kenzi with her.

After minutes of walking, Bo turns to Kenzi, totally realizing why she was freaking out so much earlier in the morning.

Bo continues to stare until the petite woman caved in and looked up at her just above the eyelashes. The guilt obvious behind her icy-blue eyes.

"Are you hiding something from me?" Bo asked with squinted eyes, a list of possible scenarios playing in her head but she waits for Kenzi's response anyway.

Kenzi quickly shook her head "No." before the question was even finished. She realized what an epic fail that must have looked like in trying to deliver the lie.

"I-Is.." Bo hesitates, not believing the words that are coming out of her mouth. "Is Tamsin here?"

Kenzi stood with her mouth agape, but she doesn't dare to reveal anything.

Bo asked again, this time her voice booming into the corridor full of dairy products.

"Oh my god, Bo!" Kenzi harshly whispered, incredulous that Bo would make such a scene in a public place.

The russian drags Bo into a corner and grumbled a "Yes." in utter defeat.

That was all that Bo needed to hear. She drops her basketful of food and looked around like she wanted to run as fast as she could to the nearest exit. As she rose her leg up to sprint, Kenzi tries to block her.

"Please, I tried so hard to keep this away from you. I figured it was for the best." Kenzi continued, speaking as fast as she could to try and change Bo's mind.

"Are you kidding me?! Were you actually serious about keeping me away from The Dal for the whole two weeks?!" Bo said, equally as rapid.

Kenzi suddenly gets very sad, realizing now that she wouldn't be able to due to Bo's stubborn nature, she was bound to leave the house somehow.

"I guess me trying to keep you at your own apartment was just wishful thinking huh." Kenzi said, suddenly feeling very dumb. She leans back into one of the concrete walls, seeming to contemplate whether it was wise for her to just let Bo go and chase the love of her life.

_If I was placed in the same position, I would do so much more._

_I miss you so much, Hale._

"Kenzi, I can't let her get away this time." Bo pleaded as she replayed that dreaded scenario she had been dreaming for the past two years over and over again in her mind.

Without being aware of her body's response, she looked as if she was having a nervous breakdown. She had been taking fast and shallow breaths. Her heart was palpitating and her hands were clammy. It was as if her body knew that letting go of Tamsin this time would probably be the end of her. She was literally sweating in all the wrong places.

"It's still early, she might still be there." Bo begged even further, desperation clear in her eyes.

_She is there._ Kenzi said to herself. It was probably one of the truest things she has ever said all morning.

Kenzi stands up straight and sighs. Bo took this as a sign and ran as fast as she could to her car, with Kenzi right behind her.

x

"God, this is so cliché." Kenzi rolled her eyes playfully as soon as they got inside the vehicle.

As they drove 80km/hr on the freeway, Kenzi mentions something that nearly wanted Bo to veer off the road and smash into a tree.

"Remember when we were skyping the first few months I moved into the vacation house?" She waits for Bo's response, but when she received none she continued. "Well, imagine my surprise when I wake up one morning from our session to find my beloved Valkyrie lying on the grass in front of my backgarden." She heard Bo gasp softly and then huff out a shaky breath.

"She looked really exhausted Bo. Her wings were splayed out. It was dirty and rugged.. like she just went through a really bad storm." Kenzi said as she tried to remember the mixed feelings and confusion she had felt when that particular scenario unfolded in front of her.

Bo imagined the situation Kenzi was describing to her. She bites her lip and winces as she felt sharp pangs of pain coming from her heart. She focuses her attention on the road, wanting nothing but to get out and breathe fresh air as she promptly felt claustrophobic.

"She crashed like a plane, as in she left those feet skid marks. It was a depressing sight."

"After staying at mine for 2 weeks, she finally confessed to me about what happened to you guys."

"She basically gave you her girl virginity."

She could hear Bo trying to suppress her sounds of pain. She knew all too well that Bo was an impassioned creature and she certainly wasn't one who tried to be strong, emotional-wise. Kenzi looked over to Bo's direction and she could see the tears brimming on her best friend's eyes, threatening to fall if she much as little blinks.

A long silence ensued, and Kenzi was about to give up on hearing her response when Bo suddenly cleared her throat.

"Kenzi, I really don't know what to say. I just want to be there right now. I don't care if she doesn't acknowledge me, I just want to see her in one piece." Bo solemnly replied after composing herself.

X **AFTER A WHILE** X

"So when we were skyping.." Bo mumbled. "You mean to say when we were skyping and I was crying over Tamsin on video.. she was there all along?!" She asked Kenzi in embarrassment.

"What type of person would do that?!"

"I asked you if she was there with you and you said no. On a scale of one to hella guilty, how mean was it for you to keep her away from me?" Bo was now rapidly asking questions, feeling the heat creep up to the sides of her ears.

"One, it wasn't stupid because you hurted her." Kenzi said in a matter-of-fact tone. "You can't do that to people Bo."

"Yes, I know." Bo agreed as she calmed herself down. "That's why I'll try and make it up to her." She said in a slightly more determined tone.

Kenzi noticed this and turns to look at her. Then she lowered her gaze into one of the leather boxes beside the gear shift stick, slowly tracing her fingers on the soft interior as she contemplated what to say.

"I'm going to have to tell you to slow down, Bo." She started. "She left three months after literally crashing into my place, telling me thanks and that she was going to find herself for a while. I have never seen her since." Kenzi said in a careful voice.

"All she said was that she was probably going to meet me at Yule this year. So I told Trick beforehand." She tightly shut her eyes as she expects the lecture Bo was about to give her.

"Oh my god!" Bo exclaimed credulously. "I can't believe you all managed to keep this from me while I was literally on the verge of killing myself!" Bo said as her anger managed to creep it's way back to her head again. She slaps her hand hard against the steering wheel to distract herself and then clutched onto it like she was about to take it out of it's position. The truck jerked roughly to the left by the action.

Kenzi looks at her, feeling shocked all the while keeping an eye on the road. "Don't say that Bo!" She knows now that an emotional succubus is a dangerous succubus.

She felt like the shittiest best friend in the world.

"It has done you some good, trust me." She looks at her favorite person in the world in the eyes, trying to comfort her without physical contact.

"I know it did." Bo said through gritted teeth willing, for the second time, to calm herself down before she does something stupid.

"Forgive me." Kenzi said in a sad voice. She didn't want to hurt her best friend, but she knew it was a wise choice giving both Tamsin and Bo their well deserved space.

_One to clear her head, and the other to realize her mistake._

"I would have done the same if Hale was still alive & hurt you the way I hurt Tamsin." Bo uttered lowly, trying to find a rational side to this.

"I forgive you." Bo said with finality as she slammed hard on the accelerator, even more determined to fulfill her purpose in hopes of mending the broken wall the Valkyrie had tried to build around her heart for years.

Bo knew that she was the only one who could break it, but she also knew that she was the only one who could fix it.

X **FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER** X

Bo hastily gets out of the car, not even bothering to wait for Kenzi anymore. She took long strides to The Dal all the while cursing about the rush hour that took her more minutes than necessary to get to her destination.

She slams the door open and quickly scans the bar for the familiar figure of the Valkyrie.

_Tamsin.. where are you?_

Bo starts to lose hope as she walked around everywhere and not finding an inch of evidence that the blonde was present here. She turns to check around the pub once again but stops as she caught a glimpse of a woman with short blonde hair rapidly descending into Trick's study.

_…Tamsin?_

**A/N:** Moment of truth. CLIFFHANGER! And what a long ass car ride hehe


	6. Chapter Six

**A/N:** This was hard for me to write because I tried my best to be descriptive with the dialogue. Mid-season finale was boring as hell. (Ehem.. #OhBoyYes)

Also,an emotional chapter ahead. A lot of Tamsin! I tried as hard as I can not confuse y'all with who's talking with who. I know I made Tamsin into a mad woman but as a Valkyrie, I felt like this was her true nature: impetuous and super blunt. So get ready! (S/O 2 Aliya pears)

I am happy inside my little Valkubus bubble. I will thoroughly disregard anything that happened after 5x07 lol

team-valkyrie: I know right! It's going to be one hell of a ride! Thank you for reading and reviewing! :D :D

camille729b: I would never! o: I'd certainly let you guys know if I was busy as f but other than that it wouldn't really be in my best interests to abandon a story. Thank you for your review!:D

zigfiction: Thank you so much for your review, I'm glad you enjoy it :)

guest: Oh yeeahh Ta-da! Here it is lol Thank you for your review! :D:D

I don't own Lost Girl because ahhhhh so much Valkubanging if I did ahhhh.

**VERY IMPORTANT:** I have exams in the next two weeks. I cannot guarantee updating in the usual 2-3 days span. Sorry for the inconvenience.

**EDIT: I have got so much grammar mistakes on this chapter! I'll edit this again tomorrow. **

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_…Tamsin?_

At that exact moment, Bo's heart stood still and she immediately forgot how to breathe. Her thoughts were racing in and out and it struggled to form some sort of coherence, threatening to clash inside of her mind. She felt like her brain was about to explode.

She was in so much denial with what she saw that she tried to convince herself that she was dreaming. She manages to pull herself together when she felt conscious of her surroundings as she stood there staring at blank space.

She remembered that nothing or no-one foreign can go down into Trick's study as a result of an enchantment he set up a few years back. There were a lot of fae getting too advanced for their own good and this type of spell senses fae or people with bad intentions. If these unknown monsters were to come down not even halfway, it would trigger two short loud beeping noises around the pub.

The study was only for the people that Trick knew.

_She's here. _She took deep breaths to try and restart her splintered heart._ Oh my god, she's here._

_Why was she running? Did she see me?_

Afraid of the thought of losing Tamsin again, Bo panicked and willed herself to walk one foot after the other, trying to make sense of what's about to happen.

_What will I tell her? I have so much to say._

x

"Bo." She heard a gruff voice behind her.

She stopped walking and turned around, knowing full well who's voice it belonged to.

"Dyson.." She looks at him, piercing daggers with her eyes. "Don't tell me you know about this too." She said through gritted teeth.

The wolf just stood there without saying anything. It was as if him and Bo had a staring competition. After ten seconds of not answering, Bo's face contorts into that of anger mixed with disbelief. She shook her head from side-to-side, never failing to be thoroughly surprised as the time passed by.

She turns back around and continues to walk toward the direction where she last saw Tamsin. She starts to descend, ducking her head as she did so as the ceiling was way too low. The sudden rush of cold air makes her momentarily shiver, the shock of it contributing to her already erratic heart. She felt as if every single step had ten more after thus making the journey seem long. The sound of her own footsteps and the constant pounding in her chest now synchronize, her breath hitching as the blood rushes throughout her whole body, making her feel slightly woozy.

She reaches the end and held onto the crumbling handles of the staircase. She felt like she was about to faint. She heaved a slow breath of air when she saw a familiar, hunched over silhouette of a woman she never thought she'd see again.

x

Tamsin quickly ran down to Trick's study and searched for the book that contained a great amount of alcoholic recipes. She found it hard to explain what type of beverage she wanted the Elder to create because it was an ancient and traditional booze that consisted of everything and anything nice plus an incantation. She used to drink in Valhalla.

_What better day to drink it than today._

She took five heavy-looking books from the shelf and splayed them across the table. She took hold of the first one and rapidly scanned across the pages, her eyes squinting as she did so.

_I'm pretty sure I dog-eared that shit here somewhere._

After finishing the first one, she irritatingly grabs the second out of the pile and slams it into the table. She realizes now that this was the book after scrutinizing every single image. She rapidly flipped through the books' contents, chapter after chapter. She was even more determined that she remembered what section it was on.

_I haven't had one of those in months! Ugh!_

x

She heard a noise behind her and she abruptly stopped, her left hand frozen midway through a page.

Ever so slowly, she used her right hand to reach for a throwing knife in the jacket pocket of her coat. After coming in contact with the coldness of the metal, she spun around and darted the sharp blade into the direction of where she had heard the sound.

She was surprised to see that the person she had nearly hit was someone she never ever wanted to see again.

_What the hell..? _

Tamsin took on the sight before her and locked eyes with the person from afar. She accessed the woman using her periphery, looking for a reaction to see if she had hurt her or hit her somewhere vital. She saw her throwing knife firmly pinned against the wall, narrowly missing the brunette's throat by_ an inch_, she estimated.

A shocked expression was plastered on the other woman's face. Tamsin saw her raise her hand up to cover the side of her neck then brought her hand up near her face to examine the dark red liquid that streaked across her palm.

Tamsin dropped her gaze to the floor, suddenly feeling melancholic.

x

Bo forgot how think altogether. She heard a whoosh that went past her ear and landed with a dull thud behind her. She felt a warm, tingly sensation at the side of her neck as a small slit started to open itself. She was stunned, but wasn't caught off guard.

She knew that the Valkyrie had killer reflexes. She was even more surprised that Tamsin had missed, because if she hadn't, she would've dropped dead seconds ago.

She took a little bit of energy from the air and the wound closed up almost instantaneously, her skin back to its flawless and unmarred form.

She didn't think this day would come. Before she knew it she was rushing into the blonde, not fully understanding how or why.

x

Tamsin is taken aback, and she finds herself slowly, but surely, coming apart on the inside. She found the whole ordeal unnerving enough and with Bo adding sentimentality to the accidental reunion, she thought:

_I don't know what to make of this anymore._

She doesn't dare move a single muscle to reciprocate as the brunette's clutch tightened around her waist.

x

Bo slackened her hold but kept her hands slightly above Tamsin's hipbone . They both stood there for a long time, apparent of the shock of seeing each other again, trying to control their ragged breaths and beating fragile hearts.

After what seemed like an eternity, Bo slowly raised her brown eyes to meet the familiar icy-greens. She could barely see the emotions pooling in them due to her looking downwards but she could see them shimmering. It looked as if Tamsin was burning a hole into the wooden floor beneath them.

Bo shook her head from side-to-side. She couldn't believe that Tamsin was really in front of her, holding her.

_Solid and in one piece._

She continued to gaze intensely at her face, studying every single detail. Tamsin's eyebrows were furrowed. She had a tiny cut at the side of her cheek, and Bo wondered how it got there. Then, she ran her eyes over her new short hair, thinking to herself how well it complimented her slightly tan and glowing skin.

She attempted to coax Tamsin into looking at her in the eyes by lifting her hand to reach for the side of her face.

Completely aware of Bo's intentions, Tamsin's facial expression formalizes into that of a scowl. She roughly shoves Bo away from her and before the brunette could react, she walks over toward one of the couches, sits down and puts her elbows on her knees and her hands over her face.

_I am not drunk enough for this._

x

Bo begins to feel ashamed and stupid standing there with her hands still hovering in the air.

She felt nauseated by Tamsin's harsh actions but she insisted herself to be strong, her mind continuously milling over the words "It's now or never."

She walked over to where Tamsin was sitting, stopped right in front of her and crossed her legs to sit down on the carpet.

"I-.." Bo starts with a shaky breath. "Tamsin.."

Tamsin takes both of her hands off of her face, leans back and for the first time in nearly three years, stares back into those brown eyes, looking deep inside of Bo's soul.

"I don't know where to start.." Bo continued, feeling determined to talk now that she knew Tamsin was watching her.

"Why did I even think that Kenzi was able to pull this through." Tamsin suddenly spoke, her voice laced with mistrust.

Upon hearing Tamsin speak, Bo's heart soared with joy. For her, that simple sentence gave her enough validation that the Valkyrie was truly right in front of her and that she isn't just a figment of her imagination.

"You look different." Bo said softly, persuading Tamsin to talk further.

"No shit." Tamsin said in the same breath.

The air was suddenly thick with agitation. Both women felt unease.

"Well look, great talk. I gotta run." Tamsin said, slapping her hands on her thighs and then stood up.

"Tamsin, wait! I have things to tell you." Bo puts her hands out in front of her and grabs a hold of Tamsin's legs.

"Don't tell me you're going to apologize.. or explain your behavior. You're nearly three years late." Tamsin uttered lowly as she tried to break free, wriggling her legs out of Bo's arms.

"That's not fair! I couldn't find you!" Bo nearly shouted, her arms pinning against Tamsin's legs so hard it gave out and she was forced to sit back into the couch again.

x

"All of the things I want to say, they're boxed up inside me Tamsin and right now, they're just about to burst out of my chest." Bo explained. She was afraid that Tamsin would try and escape from her again so she continued to hug her legs, even tighter when Bo felt like the blonde was trying to get free.

If someone were to walk in on them now, it would look as if they were having a little couples banter, but they knew it was far away from that.

"Well, I'll save you the hassle." Tamsin stopped struggling altogether. Feeling defeated, she heaves a deep sigh.

"I think I'll forever feel lonely because of you." She stated solemnly.

x

"No, please don't say that.." Bo quietly pleaded.

"No Bo, you had all that time to explain to me when I was asking you all those questions back at the shack."

"You left me with everything AND a heartbreak." Tamsin sneered at Bo's direction, her head held high and feeling confident that she finally got the upper hand this time.

"The ball was always on your court-" She stops herself, seeming to contemplate if the words she was about to say next were sensible enough "-and because of you, I can never open up or give my all to someone ever again."

"I-" Tamsin pointed to herself sternly "-suffered a great deal for _you-" _she pointed at Bo "-to be okay with Lauren a-and with Dyson.."

"I was there with my shiny, brand-new and clingy Valkyrie self. It may not look like it, but I tried so hard to understand. But as always.. I was never good enough for you."

"Tamsin-" Bo interjected.

"No! Allow me to explain.." Tamsin spoke hoarsely as she struggled to be free yet again from Bo's embrace. She manages to get one of her legs out of Bo's arms and with it, she kicked the brunette with enough strength for her to let go of the other one.

Bo was beyond shocked, but she just sat there looking dejected as she rubbed a part of her shoulder trying to help relieve itself from the impact.

Tamsin was now meters away from Bo, pacing back and forth, taking her time with what she wanted to say next.

"I taught you strength, you gave me weakness. Never give up, you said. I was a good person, you said-"

"-FUCK BO!" This time anger completely devoured Tamsin and Bo flinched at the acidity of her words.

"Time and time again you threw the towel over things I was supposed to help you through!" Tamsin shrieked in exasperation.

"I kept thinking over and over and over again if it was worth the try and yet you failed to comply! What's worse is that I didn't even see it coming! I was too busy being open and vulnerable for _you_, so you could realize what you have in front of _YOU!_" Tamsin roared, pain now visible in her voice.

"I was so disappointed with the years I contributed to this one-sided bond!" Tamsin's voice boomed around the small space, looking at Bo as she waggled her fingers back and forth between herself and the brunette.

"I was even.. huh..-" She smirked to herself "-I was even trying to prove myself to every single one of you. I went out of the way to help as much as I can. Do you remember that time when I took a bullet for you?!" She scrunched her face at Bo's direction, intending to deliver every single word across hoping that some sort of realization would hit the Succubus on the head faster than a bullet.

"You said that you cared for me. If I knew that sex was your version of care, I would've dropped out of that wagon a long time ago, _Succubabe._" Tamsin spoke in a contemptuous manner.

"I hope that you aren't the same person who is literally a deer caught in the headlights in figuring out things such as real love."

"Or maybe you did have an idea, but your heart was just too fucking pre-occupied to even notice that I had real and genuine feelings for y-"

"TAMSIN! Are you just going to speak endless and think you're going to have the last word?!" Bo blurted out before the blonde started another manifesto again.

Bo stands up and walks over to Tamsin's direction.

"I'm sorry for turning away from the good things you put out for me. I'm sorry for feeding off my problems alone, instead of knowing and realizing that I had someone to rely on." Bo continued. She was nearly close to Tamsin now but the woman intentionally back away, step by step, much like what she had seen on her dreams countless times before.

_I will never let go this time._

x

Tamsin was literally on the verge of combusting upon hearing the word "sorry" over and over again. She tried to block out the things that were being said by the other woman but she found it hard not to because deep inside, she personally wanted Bo to be regretful of all the mental shit she had put her through.

"I know that a person like you can only hear so many apologies and give out so little chances." Bo was on low-spirits. She must have seriously done something really, really fucked up for her to make Tamsin act the way she's acting now. She had never seen her so out of control like this before.

"I will never forget what I've done and what I failed to do. All I want is nothing but to reverse what had happened." Bo silently confessed as she looked at Tamsin deep in her eyes.

She felt disheartened as she earned a cold-shouldered scoff from the blonde.

"You're only saying that because they all left you, Bo." Tamsin stopped walking backwards, crossing her arms in front of her.

"No. I pushed them away Tamsin. You have to believe me when I tell you that I pushed them away." Bo's thoughts flashed back at the time she talked to Lauren in her apartment and she momentarily felt furious. "I just couldn't stand being around the people who were partly responsible for your..disappearance."

"Woooow.. and **NOW** you realize all of this when I've finally had enough." Tamsin said in a mocking tone whilst rolling her eyes.

"I know I went way past the line when I said you were confused." And with this, Bo reached out for Tamsin's hand. When she finally grabbed portion of it, Tamsin hand balled into a fist and parts of her fingers got stuck. It was painful but she didn't let go.

_I was the one who was confused. _

"Well Bo, you know what.. suck it. I can't deal with another round of this anymore." The blonde forcibly yanked her arms back, never forgetting that she had already rejected Bo twice inside this emotional torture chamber.

_I'm never going back in this place. Ever._

"Please Tamsin.. don't leave. Not again." pleaded the brunette, her voice cracking with pain as her heart crumbled and gave up on all methods in trying to make Tamsin stay.

"Your hair.. I-it's.. You're beautiful." Bo said in last resort as she let her tears fall.

Seeing Bo break down in front of her and hearing those simple words out of her mouth made Tamsin's willpower to falter right down to the lowest. Still, she didn't allow herself to fall for it yet as she continued to stare coldly at Bo.

_How can she do this to me?! _

After asking herself this question, Tamsin opened up a fraction of her heart and let Bo's words hit her. As soon as it did, Tamsin's eyes quickly brimmed with tears and she concentrated her gaze elsewhere, anywhere but at Bo's direction.

She settled for the lamp on her left side, trying to focus at it as everything she saw became hazy and clouded. The bright light seemed to occupy the whole space of her eyes as the tears obstructed her vision.

She blinked once and her tears escaped, rolling down simultaneously on the sides of her cheek.

_Damn it._

x

"Tamsin..?"

Both turned promptly to the direction of the voice.

A beautiful girl with chocolate brown hair and eyes as silver as the winter moon stood two steps away from the end of the staircase.

"Olivia.." Tamsin said in a soft whisper, totally forgetting that the woman was waiting for her upstairs.

"I have to go." Tamsin made it seem like she said it to no-one in particular, making her way to the lady. She wiped the tears from her eyes whilst trying to calm the tempestuous stirring of her feelings. The storm inside, waiting to destroy her entire being, in tact.

Bo is confused.

Tamsin took a glance at Bo as she gently intertwined her fingers on the spaces between the other brunette's hand.

They both go up the stairs together, leaving Bo to her trance, not quite believing what had seen, what had happened and how it had happened so quickly.

Bo quickly snapped out of her reverie and ran across the room, taking two steps at a time up the stairway.

She scans the whole crowd yet again.

She didn't even get to say the things she wanted to say.

She felt a heavy lump in her throat and her eyes stung with forth coming tears.

_Where are you?_

x

Kenzi knew all too well what had happened when she saw Tamsin walk out with Olivia from Trick's study just two minutes ago.

And knowing Bo, she would go to the ends of the earth to chase the person she truly loves.

She took sight of her clearly distressed best friend as she ascended up the stairs. When she reached the top step, the light made her look like a mix of someone who wanted to faint and someone who wanted to vomit. She didn't want Bo to embarrass herself so she quickly got out of her bar stool and made her way to her.

Kenzi hugged Bo tightly and after a while, she suddenly felt herself carrying a heavy weight. She tried to hoist Bo upright but her legs gave out and they both collapse to the floor.

Bo was unresponsive, her eyes glassy. She stared blankly at Kenzi as the tears flowed freely from her eyes and into the sides of her face.

Kenzi reaches out and wipes her best friend's tears away, but it only gave room for fresh ones.

"I'm so sorry BoBo, I didn't know _she_ was here."

**A/N:** SO WHO'S THE NEW GIRL? TAMSIN'S FRIENDS-WITH-BENEFITS? FRIEND? GIRLFRIEND? MEAN GIRLFRIEND? EX-GIRLFRIEND? ANOTHER VALKYRIE? FIND OUT ON MY NEXT UPDATE! REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU FEEL! (Btw, Olivia looks like Nadia Bjorlin from Venice the Series. You're welcome.)

**Edit:** You can make up Olivia's face however you want but I suggest Xian Mikol aswell lol


End file.
